btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.