the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.