Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation