sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito