I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels