Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.