Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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