You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize