Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
