Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
