I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
