New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
