you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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