I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
