I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
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That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The air taste purple.
Randomize