I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
