I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
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Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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