oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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