I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
