Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
