I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize