I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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