a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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