your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
