Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
