3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize