Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
