Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
