So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
