if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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