Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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