I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
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Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So much rum. So many feels.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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