the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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