Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize