he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
