Your face is a jimmy john
from now on my penis is your penis
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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