Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
