I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
vagina is talking i cant
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
