so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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