It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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