If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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