seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
