She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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