why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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