She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
