I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
