LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
