i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
