Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
