Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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