dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just want to make out with him forever
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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