i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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