I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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