bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
