areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
