Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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