I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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