Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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