just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
