i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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