Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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