The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
