A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
