did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
